Friday, July 27, 2012

Roughing It

This is a little off topic as far as my blog goes.  But at risk of turning you away, I suspect some of you may find this useful!  I hope so anyway.

So, we're camping.  And, yes, we have a camper, so I can't really claim to be "at one" with nature.  However, I do, of course, have some thoughts about the whole camping "thang".  Now, I'm not a wimp.  I'm not afraid of snakes, or spiders, or toads...  I just feel that in any event, one should be prepared.

You may be saying to yourself  "Oh, no.  Not me, I'll never camp".  But you will.  At some point in your life, you will.  And you want to be prepared.

Before you go:

-  Fox Urine.   Before you go out on any adventures, be sure to sprinkle or spray around your camper with Fox Urine.  Mice will not set up camp if they smell Fox Urine.  (It smells delightful to humans, so be sure to put a dab behind your ears.)

Bounce Dryer Sheets.  Nothing says "comfort", like a camper full of spiders.  Avoid them by storing the camper with the dryer sheets placed liberally throughout.

- Pack LOTS of clothes.  Clothes you don't mind never wearing again.  Cuz you will never wear your camping clothes again.  They will be impregnated with campfire smoke and bug spray for life.

- Get your pistol permit.  Why? Bears.  Only joking, I would never shoot a bear or anything else, but I guess, if it came down to me or the bear....

To bring:

- Pull ups for potty trained toddlers.  No matter how long your toddler has gone without wetting the bed, inevitably they will pee in their sleeping bag, and you won't have a washing machine.  Don't be a Pee Hero, bring pull ups.

- Dog.  To make your camping trip complete bring your dog.  They do generally have to be on a leash and/or tied up in campgrounds.  Hours of amusement can be had, endlessly untangling your dog from around a tree or the picnic table.

- And don't forget your plastic grocery bags.  Picking up dog poop is always kind of a chore, but why not turn it into a treasure hunt!  Fun!

- Clorox wipes.  Trust me, you're gonna want to disinfect the public bathrooms if you're staying at a campground.

- Hair straightener.  Just joking!!!  It will either be so hot and humid, or so cold and damp, you will NEVER be able to straighten your hair.

- Tweezers.  After several days, your eyebrows will be giant caterpillars on your forehead.  Regardless, you're going to need tweezers to remove ticks.  I don't care how many layers you wear, ticks will find a way to nestle right up to you!  It's quite sweet really.

- Hot dogs.  They are the easiest thing to cook over a campfire.  Don't try to expand your cooking repertoire while camping...  There's no need, because your kids will love you for serving them hot dogs for 10 straight days.

- Bug spray.  Why is it no matter how much bug spray you have on, and how careful you are to shut the door, you always end up with that pitched "ZzzzzzZzzzzzzzzzz" in your bedroom (or tent) at 3 a.m. ?

When you get home:

- Apply Calamine Lotion.  Works on poison ivy and bug bites.  It's always fun and easy to spot who just got back from camping!  Their whole body will be covered in pink splotches from the calamine application.

- Eat.  By the time you get home, you will have eaten nothing but hot dogs, marshmallows, and beer. You're going to need some vitamins.

- Catch up on your DVR'd "Dallas" episodes.  Time to get back to reality!

So if you went camping this summer, I hope you had a great time.  I know we will!  Got any tips or tricks for camping?  Let me know!